The Authenticity Crisis

 I have a family connection to the restaurant business and in my teens and twenties worked front of house in many fine dining establishments. When it comes to people I have a pessimistic disposition and tend to begin with negative expectations in the hope of being pleasantly surprised, so please don’t accuse me of blowing smoke when I say that I have always found Americans, counter to European stereotypes, to be invariably intelligent (occasionally culturally naive, but that’s not the same thing), friendly, reasonable and generous. It may be surprising to the uninitiated therefore, that Americans don’t enjoy a commensurately high reputation among waiting staff. 

One of the reasons for the somewhat low regard for our transatlantic cousins is definitely “snooty waiter syndrome”. Waiting is a low skilled job generally done by the more aesthetically presentable sector of the working class. Consequently it entails a superficial knowledge of the arbitrary and performative etiquette of a more socially valued and affluent class. Waiters begin their careers feeling slightly humiliated by their ignorance of cutlery specifics, forms of address, the correct way to serve wine, how to serve, when to clear, etc, that are simply basic elements of life for their posher clients. In an ideal world this would lead waiters to be sympathetic to customers who also lack this cultural knowledge, in fact, accustomed to their work engendering a slight feeling of inferiority, encounters with the uninitiated actually become opportunities for the humiliated to become for a change, the humiliators; an experienced waiter has internalised the snobbery he has been subjected to, enhanced by a dash of resentment to boot. In the case of Americans, things that in the UK, are manifestations of class status are of course obviously simply manifestations of cultural difference; that fact however, will never ameliorate the pleasure a waiter, who is invariably tired, bored, hungry and in an existential feud with his chef, gains from feeling superior to his employer (the customer) however bogus the grounds may be for such an evaluation. 

Putting that rather dismal state of affairs aside, there are some genuinely confusing cultural divergences in restaurant etiquette that irritate UK waiting staff. Americans love to ask question, and it becomes clear that the information itself is not the important to US customers, they will often ask about items they have zero intention of ordering. They will ask questions about the history of the business. Mistaking these questions for legitimate interest you will watch your guest’s eyes glaze over when more than a glib soundbite is offered in response. Americans love to make random changes to dishes and order wildly incompatible add ons like a mashed potato side with oysters au naturale, or potato wedges with a lobster bisque starter. The American diner loves nothing more than to ask a series of pointless questions, then order a weird combination of starters and mains transformed to his or her own whimsical fancy; for the American a menu is merely a list of ingredients from which they construct a meal, and it drives waiters and chefs crazy.